4 Skills you need to help you love well…

Do you have any relationships in your life that need a little bit of help? Perhaps they are strained, broken, empty, familiar, superficial, and you want to do something to change that – but how? This was the purpose of our recent series called “Skills for Loving Well.” The purpose was simply to equip every person with skills to love well/better. 16

We need to realise that good intentions to change something are never enough. I recently encouraged someone to speak to another about a particular issue that had come up between them. A week later I asked how it had gone. Their reply: “I did speak to her, but it didn’t go as planned!”  Well done to them for engaging in that conversation, but what was missing was the skill to do this in a more healthy and effective way that values the relationship and also gets to the heart of the issue. So what we need is “skilful action”.

A “skill” is the learnt ability (through teaching. training and practice) to to do something well in order to achieve a determined result. The result we are reaching in all relationships is to “love well”: To love God, others, and ourselves well/ better.  

Those who develop their skills will achieve better results than those who don’t. Using these skills – and being prompted by these to go on your own journey of continued growth and maturity in this area – will hugely enrich your friendships, marriage, wrk relationship, etc.

The four skills we covered were: (With links to the summary notes and video for some):

  1. “Exploring your Iceberg” – For greater self-awareness.
  2. “Incarnational Listening” – For greater other’s-awareness
  3. “Engage in Crucial Conversations” – To fully and safely communicate what’s in you for the sake of maturing relationship
  4. “Clean Fighting” – To engage in a situation of conflict between two (or more) people in a healthy way that values the relationship (and honours God)

The Handout Notes: View or Download all the Summary Handouts for the 4 skills here


Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tender-hearted, and keep a humble attitude.9 Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and He will grant you His blessing. 10 For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies.11 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. [Do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go/run after them!] 

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