Do you have any relationships in your life that need a little bit of help? Perhaps they are strained, broken, empty, familiar, superficial, and you want to do something to change that – but how? This was the purpose of our recent series called “Skills for Loving Well.” The purpose was simply to equip every person with skills to love well/better. 

We need to realise that good intentions to change something are never enough. I recently encouraged someone to speak to another about a particular issue that had come up between them. A week later I asked how it had gone. Their reply: “I did speak to her, but it didn’t go as planned!”  Well done to them for engaging in that conversation, but what was missing was the skill to do this in a more healthy and effective way that values the relationship and also gets to the heart of the issue. So what we need is “skilful action”.

A “skill” is the learnt ability (through teaching. training and practice) to to do something well in order to achieve a determined result. The result we are reaching in all relationships is to “love well”: To love God, others, and ourselves well/ better.  

Those who develop their skills will achieve better results than those who don’t. Using these skills – and being prompted by these to go on your own journey of continued growth and maturity in this area – will hugely enrich your friendships, marriage, wrk relationship, etc.

The four skills we covered were: (With links to the summary notes and video for some):

1. “Exploring your Iceberg” – For greater self-awareness.
   • Summary Notes here (sadly no video/audio)
2. “Incarnational Listening” – For greater other’s-awareness
   • Summary notes here (sadly no video/audio)
3. “Engage in Crucial Conversations” – To fully and safely communicate what’s in you for the sake of maturing relationship
   • Download: Summary notes here. Video here.
4. “Clean Fighting” – To engage in a situation of conflict between two (or more) people in a healthy way that values the relationship (and honours God)
   • Download: Summary notes here, Video here

The Handout Notes: View or Download all the Summary Handouts for the 4 skills here

FINAL INSTRUCTIONS: 1 Peter 3v8-11

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tender-hearted, and keep a humble attitude.⁹ Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and He will grant you His blessing. ¹⁰ For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies.¹¹ Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. [Do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go/run after them!]